It took me awhile to recover from going to the Supreme Court of Canada and then releasing the book, This Mortal Coil. It was probably only around six week's later - the time it takes for most things to heal - that I truly felt the burden of the book had actually left my mind completely - all residue gone. I had finally shed it or at least that's how it felt. I could actually become confident it was gone.
- But seven weeks later facing January 17, the day Candace's body was found, the day she was officially declared dead, and then 26 years later it also became the first day of the trial - I wondered if it would come back - this trauma-triggered day that with time had acquired a kind of moody presence of ill-will.
- It's not that I don't want to remember it, I hope I will keep my memory. But I just want to live it without that mood of impending doom.
- I'm happy to report that this time something did happen. I was well into the day before I remembered it was January 17. Then as I attacked my writing and other various projects, I would blissfully forget until I opened a note from a friend, assuring me of good will. There were flowers, and a telephone call throughout the day checking in to see if I was okay. Those kind of interruptions are always beautiful gifts, mainly because of the people that care, but also because of the preventative nature of that care. As an unexpected gesture of love, they dissipate the mood before it could even gather. They comfort a pain that doesn't have a chance to throb.
So as I am moving through this "being done" phase and celebrating it, I am gaining a new dangerous passion - I am even becoming persuasively evangelical about it. I might even begin to preach.
- I am like one of those who finding a way to lose weight thinks everyone should go on the same diet. Their way becomes the best way.
I believe now that everyone needs to write a book. No - it is a little stronger than that even. Everyone, who has even the slightest issue, should write about it, publish it on E-book and they will be happy forevermore. They will find the light. Yes - everyone will find relief from all their sorrow if they would only write a book - just a page a day of 250 words and in a year you will have a book. You will then be content, happy, and looking for another issue to write about.
- I think I've become quite dangerously obsessed by it all - someone to be avoided.
- What a comfort is this journal I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my book and feel relieved. Anne Lister