Compulsion to Write and to Share
They are now waiting in the wings.
The panic, compulsion and trauma around this manuscript is subsiding.
I have to admit there has been a great deal of panic and compulsion around this book. It began with a compulsion. I can understand the writer in me that needs to write... I've always had that. However, I don't understand this personal compulsion and yes - a desperation to write this book, Dispelling the Clouds, a desperate social experiment.
Then came the trauma. This book had a difficult birth. It aborted at least three times. It just didn't come out right and I had to kill it. Yes, that's really the only word. I had to suffocate it to death - and what a struggle that was. It's not easy to admit that a manuscript - all of those 65,000 words - just don't work. And that It needs to be rewritten from the beginning.
The first draft actually emerged as two books. Then one of those books lived, and was published by another author. My twin died.
I tried to resurrect it - but it was only still half a story that didn't make sense. In this draft, Besides that, I had resorted to using a metaphor that I didn't quite master - and there can't be anything more painful than a premature metaphor trying to live - gasping for air. It died too.
The third draft - was misnamed. I didn't realize that a title of a book could make that much difference - not only for the reader but also for me - the writer. This misinformed title sent me off on one direction when the book was really meant to go another direction - an entirely new direction for me. So I finally found the right title - and this tumultuous manuscript finally settled down.
That left me completely traumatized - insecure - and reluctant to ever let anyone see it again. What if this last draft would fail - and what would that say about me?
Rather then succumb to this fear - I've decided to blast my way through.
Before sending my manuscript to the Beta readers, , I finally gave it to my husband to read - the best, critic of all times. He is a copy- editor par excellence, and he knows me! He knows if I don't get it right! He's a stickler for details.
Oh my word!
He's reading it now.
After the first chapters - he called it raw!
Oh dear --
I'll let you know soon - his review of the book.
In this COVID - 19 pandemic isolation - one can still create ones own drama!
Think excitement, talk excitement, act out excitement, and you are bound to become an excited person.
Norman Vincent Peale