The Conversation Factor
Right from the beginning - I was scared.
It was almost as if I knew that the trial process would last ten years and that I would need special insights, special coping mechanisms - special guidance through out it all.
The bridegroom paradigm shift gave me the courage to think that if God is pursuing us – I can pursue him in a new way.
I wanted wisdom.
I wanted a conversation with God.
Conversations. Every intimate conversation is an exploration into another person’s inner thoughts and soul. Maintaining a good conversation requires intentionality and mutuality. For it to be real and long-lasting conversation, it needs to give both parties equal time, a sense of confidentiality and safety. It needed to be interactive....
I was frantic. Late at night when my fears were cycling through my head, I opened the Bible and read the verse. “You will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way. Follow it, whether it turns to the right or left.’”
It felt like an audible voice, disconnected from any of my thoughts. The timing was incredible. It was an answer to my heart’s question – something I hadn’t even articulated out loud. It could only be God.
I felt that shiver. I felt that awe – God was assuring me that he would lead me with his still small voice.
His voice was in the Bible.
I needed to be more intentional with the Bible. I tried to duplicate this experience over and over again. It worked - enough for me to feel that I was in a new place with God - the conversation was beginning to happen. The voice was there.
Or was it? I also realized I didn't trust my discernment so I began looking for safe people to walk this path with me. I tried all kinds of things, ways, and all kinds of people.
Finally I approached good friends, my Presbyterian friends – not charismatic at all –and asked f they would enter into an experimental "listening" to God Bible study with us. We had attended the same traditional Bible study for years which had been discontinued when we had all left that church for different reason - yet we felt that connection.
They said yes. They would enter into an experimental conversation with God, with us.
So we as couples would meet bi-weekly if it suited us. First we would have a lovely supper, then meditate for ten to fifteen minutes, centering ourselves and getting the dysfunctional sugar daddy syndrome out of our head - and all the other negative voices. Then we would pray and open our Bibles - looking for those verses or words that would jump off the page, highlighted with a holy glow - or something like that.
We were so clumsy - yet, we were always astounded at the verses. But even more than that was our delight with the conversation that followed. The discernment of the group was incredible.
I'll never forget one evening – at our house - after we had been meeting for about a month or two, when my friend said in a shocked tone…. “This is not a parlor game.”
We had felt that over and over again. Clumsy as we were, God was patient.... God wanted to talk to us.
It wasn't only about the trial process - we all had issues. We all had questions. God wanted to talk to each one of us about all kinds of things.... good and bad. Nothing was off limits.
And - . oh the topics we have covered! We have cried, we have laughed and we have vented.
We have also paused in pure awe - and wonderment - grateful that we have a God who wants to have a conversation with us.
We have notebooks detailing our conversations with God….
God is an intimate God. God is a bridegroom. God is pursuing us.
We have been meeting for ten years.
Imagine! We have met through the entire ten-year trial process.
We have learned so much!
I am so thankful for a patient God.
I am also incredibly thankful for friends.
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” - Carl Gustav Jung
It was almost as if I knew that the trial process would last ten years and that I would need special insights, special coping mechanisms - special guidance through out it all.
The bridegroom paradigm shift gave me the courage to think that if God is pursuing us – I can pursue him in a new way.
I wanted wisdom.
I wanted a conversation with God.
Conversations. Every intimate conversation is an exploration into another person’s inner thoughts and soul. Maintaining a good conversation requires intentionality and mutuality. For it to be real and long-lasting conversation, it needs to give both parties equal time, a sense of confidentiality and safety. It needed to be interactive....
I was frantic. Late at night when my fears were cycling through my head, I opened the Bible and read the verse. “You will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way. Follow it, whether it turns to the right or left.’”
It felt like an audible voice, disconnected from any of my thoughts. The timing was incredible. It was an answer to my heart’s question – something I hadn’t even articulated out loud. It could only be God.
I felt that shiver. I felt that awe – God was assuring me that he would lead me with his still small voice.
His voice was in the Bible.
I needed to be more intentional with the Bible. I tried to duplicate this experience over and over again. It worked - enough for me to feel that I was in a new place with God - the conversation was beginning to happen. The voice was there.
Or was it? I also realized I didn't trust my discernment so I began looking for safe people to walk this path with me. I tried all kinds of things, ways, and all kinds of people.
Finally I approached good friends, my Presbyterian friends – not charismatic at all –and asked f they would enter into an experimental "listening" to God Bible study with us. We had attended the same traditional Bible study for years which had been discontinued when we had all left that church for different reason - yet we felt that connection.
They said yes. They would enter into an experimental conversation with God, with us.
So we as couples would meet bi-weekly if it suited us. First we would have a lovely supper, then meditate for ten to fifteen minutes, centering ourselves and getting the dysfunctional sugar daddy syndrome out of our head - and all the other negative voices. Then we would pray and open our Bibles - looking for those verses or words that would jump off the page, highlighted with a holy glow - or something like that.
We were so clumsy - yet, we were always astounded at the verses. But even more than that was our delight with the conversation that followed. The discernment of the group was incredible.
I'll never forget one evening – at our house - after we had been meeting for about a month or two, when my friend said in a shocked tone…. “This is not a parlor game.”
We had felt that over and over again. Clumsy as we were, God was patient.... God wanted to talk to us.
It wasn't only about the trial process - we all had issues. We all had questions. God wanted to talk to each one of us about all kinds of things.... good and bad. Nothing was off limits.
And - . oh the topics we have covered! We have cried, we have laughed and we have vented.
We have also paused in pure awe - and wonderment - grateful that we have a God who wants to have a conversation with us.
We have notebooks detailing our conversations with God….
God is an intimate God. God is a bridegroom. God is pursuing us.
We have been meeting for ten years.
Imagine! We have met through the entire ten-year trial process.
We have learned so much!
I am so thankful for a patient God.
I am also incredibly thankful for friends.
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” - Carl Gustav Jung
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