The Questions
Why have I written this blog series about my faith journey?
Twenty-two of them?
It all began with a radio interview. As I took my place around the radio studio table, one of the morning hosts said, "The remarkable thing about you and your family - is that you have kept the faith."
Her unspoken question: "How did you do that?"
A long time ago, I resolved that I would live so people would ask questions and then I would answer all the questions to the best of my ability. I never thought that would happen. I've always thought of myself as being too insignificant to be noticed.
Apparently I have lived an interesting life, - not of my own choosing.
My commitment to answering the questions, hasn't been easy.
Sometimes I have even written a book if that's what it takes to answer a question. Yet every book that I've written in answer to some question has proven to be very important. Just this week, I've had two confrontational questions about the trial and my conclusions. It's so wonderful to say - I've actually answered that. I've written a book - read it. Its called Project Angel - and it is in McNally Robinson Booksellers, Then come back to me if you have questions about my conclusion. So far it has dispelled any need to continue. There is freedom in writing a book. It releases the questions, releases the answer and it releases me.
But this blog series of faith has proven to be much more difficult than I thought.
I've had to be more vulnerable than I thought.
I really didn't think the Upper Room was important - and that I would need to share it.
But I realize that it is defining, just as the my first experience with God.
Both are awe studded.
So I guess my answer is. I've not just kept my faith, I needed it to navigate through life. I've needed the behavioral focused old testament stories. I think we all need a moral code to code our own morality. I needed the savior focused new testament teachings to learn how to create good out of evil, positive out of negative. I needed it to forgive and to survive the aftermath of murder. I needed the entire Bible as a self-help book, a therapy book to understand myself. I needed all of the persecution stories to assure me that my life was doable. I needed the beginning, the middle and the end of the Bible as a kind of throne speech to answer the question of why we are here -our existence here on this globe. For me it answered the big questions: Where did we come from? What is this all about? Where are we heading? It's a relief to find an explanation that suits my reality - a mix of good and evil, love and hate, etc. I needed it to learn how to discern - friend or foe.
There has been a secondary benefit to this exercise....I was forced to understand and map my "awe" experiences.
In all of my personality tests, it quite noticeable, that I just want to have "fun." My children and my husband will verify that! I am quite shallow. I truly just want to have fun.
And frankly - my life story hasn't been a lot of fun. It has been mostly about survival, hard work, and disappointment.
It has been very dark - a vast midnight sky.
But having been forced, or should I say encouraged, to look back on it at this stage in my life - I realize I have lived my life under an awe-studded sky. If I looked up - the sky was alive.
I've had some truly awesome experiences.
They could fill a book.
They have kept me going.
Awe is fun! A goosebumps kind of fun.
My faith has always been about awe.
“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” Marcus Aurelius
Twenty-two of them?
It all began with a radio interview. As I took my place around the radio studio table, one of the morning hosts said, "The remarkable thing about you and your family - is that you have kept the faith."
Her unspoken question: "How did you do that?"
A long time ago, I resolved that I would live so people would ask questions and then I would answer all the questions to the best of my ability. I never thought that would happen. I've always thought of myself as being too insignificant to be noticed.
Apparently I have lived an interesting life, - not of my own choosing.
My commitment to answering the questions, hasn't been easy.
Sometimes I have even written a book if that's what it takes to answer a question. Yet every book that I've written in answer to some question has proven to be very important. Just this week, I've had two confrontational questions about the trial and my conclusions. It's so wonderful to say - I've actually answered that. I've written a book - read it. Its called Project Angel - and it is in McNally Robinson Booksellers, Then come back to me if you have questions about my conclusion. So far it has dispelled any need to continue. There is freedom in writing a book. It releases the questions, releases the answer and it releases me.
But this blog series of faith has proven to be much more difficult than I thought.
I've had to be more vulnerable than I thought.
I really didn't think the Upper Room was important - and that I would need to share it.
But I realize that it is defining, just as the my first experience with God.
Both are awe studded.
So I guess my answer is. I've not just kept my faith, I needed it to navigate through life. I've needed the behavioral focused old testament stories. I think we all need a moral code to code our own morality. I needed the savior focused new testament teachings to learn how to create good out of evil, positive out of negative. I needed it to forgive and to survive the aftermath of murder. I needed the entire Bible as a self-help book, a therapy book to understand myself. I needed all of the persecution stories to assure me that my life was doable. I needed the beginning, the middle and the end of the Bible as a kind of throne speech to answer the question of why we are here -our existence here on this globe. For me it answered the big questions: Where did we come from? What is this all about? Where are we heading? It's a relief to find an explanation that suits my reality - a mix of good and evil, love and hate, etc. I needed it to learn how to discern - friend or foe.
There has been a secondary benefit to this exercise....I was forced to understand and map my "awe" experiences.
In all of my personality tests, it quite noticeable, that I just want to have "fun." My children and my husband will verify that! I am quite shallow. I truly just want to have fun.
And frankly - my life story hasn't been a lot of fun. It has been mostly about survival, hard work, and disappointment.
It has been very dark - a vast midnight sky.
But having been forced, or should I say encouraged, to look back on it at this stage in my life - I realize I have lived my life under an awe-studded sky. If I looked up - the sky was alive.
I've had some truly awesome experiences.
They could fill a book.
They have kept me going.
Awe is fun! A goosebumps kind of fun.
My faith has always been about awe.
“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” Marcus Aurelius
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