Wilma Derksen
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Faith - 8

12/15/2018

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Reality Factor

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       Sacred conversations need to be real. Matters of the heart and soul need to be taken seriously and reflect the reality of what we see around us. 
   Have you noticed that life at time can be quite crappy.  The word in this context, means that life can be ugly, unpleasant, nonsensical, chaotic and extremely painful.
      I want a faith that addresses this world around me, explains it, understands it, accepts it and offers hope. I think there are about 29 passages in the Bible that should have a warning sign - restricted.
          At first I was unaware of the controversial pieces.
          The first book I studied was the book of Romans - and loved it.  I was also introduced to the stories very early. My father didn't just read the Bible for devotions every day, he was constantly blending his life with the OT.  patriarchs.  I sometimes felt Abraham lived in our house. 
         It was only in high school that I read some of the other books in the Old Testament.  There I met a God that said...  "I will bring disaster upon your home and will destroy all your sons - this boy who is sick and all those who are well?" Really?  Why? 
          After that,  I had a private conversation with God....  I think it was in grade 12 "God, - as an author you should know that your book doesn't hang together. There is a distinct difference between the old and the new. Frankly the old is ugly. You are a divided God - you don't make sense."
        The heavens closed on me after that - and so did the book. I became extremely selective - discarding the old and slightly suspicious of the new.
        Third year Bible school,  I took a course, that unpacked the difference of the Old and New and why.  I found out that there was an explanation - a very good one.  I was so relieved.
       After that  I gained a tremendous respect for an author who write a book , author a story that spanned  so many years, generations, cultures and theme, and yet have it reflect the whole. 
          That still didn't make the book easy to understand or apply. I  remember having a crisis in my faith in Bible school, and was told by my friends that I just needed to hide in the attic and read the Bible till I found the answer.  My friends stayed on one end of the dorm attic praying for me and I was on the other end.  I think I read the entire New Testament that night. And at the end -- as the sun was rising --  I found  the answer.  I can't remember the question - but I do remember the elation.
            We were so excited. 
            When Candace disappeared, I took to reading the Bible late at night - until I found comfort.
          The Word of God  lives -- especially around 3 o'clock at night -- when the rest of the world is sleeping and the darkness of the night has seeped into my soul. That's when  those dreadful explicit passages  connect with me, and reassure me that God - is aware. Important. Then there are other passages that assure me God has a plan... many plans.  They aren't just any old plans... they are holy plans. 
         When I was younger I was annoyed that I couldn't understand it all - or remember it all. 
         Now I am comforted that I can't contain the entire Bible in my head and  that I can't conquer it.
      It will always remain slightly elusive and bigger than me. It is bigger than any one person which is why the exploration of it - can last a life time.
          I still like the mystery - the vastness of it's metaphors, the  challenge of its authors.
          When my world narrows and I find it unbearable,  I want something bigger than myself. I'm comforted by its vastness.
          If I were to describe my faith - it would definitely include the Living Word of God. 
                 
​“She liked the word ineffable because it meant a feeling so big or vast that it could not be expressed in words.
And yet, because it could not be expressed in words, people had invented a word to express it, and that made Liesl feel hopeful, somehow.” - Lauren Oliver



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