That’s when I noticed that there were actually a lot of candles in the room – ornamental beautiful candles that slowly came alive….flickering at first then glowing strongly. Transformation!
Slowly the tenor of the meeting changed. It too came alive
There is simply something magical about candles and that little bit of fire at the end of the wick….
Lately because of grandchildren and those stories of wild fires blazing uncontrollably in different parts of our world – I guess I have become more comfortable substituting the flame with the pleasant flameless candles as a substitute which are quite lovely.
But there is a time and place for a candle – and a flame.
Especially if one is insecure.
I don’t know what I will feel like after the verdict. Albert Schweitzer has said. “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. “
They are also silent reminders that “light is the symbol of truth.” as James Russell Lowell has said. And we can’t lose hope in truth. I suspect that some new truth will be revealed tomorrow – but even after tomorrow that the journey won’t be over. We are in a constant pursuit of truth.
So, I ache for candles. I have decided that we are going to have at some point in the evening 33 candles burning. I am confident in that. I can look forward to that…..
We will do it safely.
We will do it to symbolize this almost 33 year war of ours that we have raged against grief, loss, fear and loneliness. Tomorrow the attention will be on the trial process as it should be, but underneath I am always aware of a different darkness – the one within me that can lead to hopelessness and despair. Candles will help to keep our attention on the light.
It is also about reclaiming that which we have control of…. And during times like this we are very aware how little control we have had over certain parts of our lives. We had no control over her death, no control over the investigation or the trial proceedings.
But we can hold onto that which we have control over. As Marianne Williamson says, “Light must come from inside. You cannot ask the darkness to leave; you must turn on the light.”
Candles are also a means of celebration. We have candles on birthday cakes. We have a lot to celebrate!
We will always be thankful for the beautiful city of Winnipeg full of warm giving people.
We are thankful for the police work, the initial search committee, every prayer, every gift, every word from our friends and family that have that lit our path. We are thankful for the hours upon hours that were dedicated to this trial process in pursuit of truth.
We are thankful for our lives now that remain so full with our growing beautiful family.
We look one way – and it is dark. We turn to the other side and all we see is light. And when we bring the sides together – there is only light.
“Light is to darkness what love is to fear; in the presence of one the other disappears.” Sogyal Rinpoche. We have our own truth.
And of course there is the issue of justice. Oh how we yearn for justice – to have everyone take responsibility for what they have done – and to set things right. But that might never happen.
“We are always reminded that ‘It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.”
Tomorrow – I just know we will light candles. Thirty-three – unscented – quite ordinary white candles and it will be enough. “My candle burns at both ends; it will not last the night; but ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - it gives a lovely light! Edna St. Vincent Milla
And at the end of the night – we will have enough warmth to think of others. “The candle burns not for us, but for all those whom we failed to rescue from prison, who were shot on the way to prison, who were tortured, who were kidnapped, who 'disappeared'. That's what the candle is for.” Peter Benenson
“We have a very limited time on Earth; the times we spent with the candles are always special and magical times!” Mehmet Murat Ildan
(Oh yes and to our dear friends who have been such a light to us.... if you are in the area do come and share your stories of connection with us and our never-ending story - 7:00 - 8:00 after the verdict - Oct. 18 at our house.)
Thank you Florianne for your comment. We will light a candle for you!