Blog Archives - Wilma Derksen

Collective - 6

6/16/2025

To the Power of Five

First review of: Impossible: Forgiveness to the Power of Five.

I had the opportunity to read Impossible: Forgiveness to the Power of Five, and I can confidently say that Wilma Derksen is an extraordinary writer. This book is not only theologically sound, but it also offers an intellectually and spiritually rich perspective on one of the most challenging human experiences: forgiveness.

Wilma presents a fivefold model of forgiveness that is both complex and accessible. While I’m not certain that every detail of her model is a dominant theme in Scripture, I found nothing heretical about it —quite the opposite. Her framework is graceful, imaginative, and deeply rooted in gospel truth. What sets her apart is the generosity with which she holds space for disagreement, making this work approachable even for those who may not fully agree.

Few people have had to walk through the depth of suffering that Wilma has endured. She brings a level of experiential insight that is unparalleled—a kind of lived PhD in forgiveness. For readers who have mostly experienced life through a lens of blessings and minor conflicts, her story will challenge assumptions and broaden understanding. This is not forgiveness as a cliché or a slogan; this is forgiveness tested in fire.

Impossible will appeal especially to thoughtful, well-read, and university-educated readers, but anyone with a desire to grow in understanding will benefit. It’s a book that asks deep questions and provides rich, faithful responses.

Wilma’s life and story have already played a crucial role in the spiritual journeys of others, including Malcolm Gladwell. She continues to be a profound witness to the transformative power of faith and forgiveness.

Lipstick

6/13/2025

Lipstick

By grade five, I made a decision: I was going to fight darkness.

And for some reason, my chosen battlefield… was lipstick.

As a young Mennonite girl, I had been taught by my older, more conservative sisters that vanity—especially wearing lipstick—was sinful. Ironically, they were just beginning to dabble in makeup themselves. But I took a stand. I drew a line in the sand. Lipstick, I declared, was a symbol of evil.

I went on a bit of a crusade. At school and at church, I’d inform anyone who would listen—classmates, teachers, even adults—that lipstick was wrong.
But then—horror of horrors—I discovered that Billy Graham’s wife wore lipstick.

Billy Graham! The prophet of all prophets. The preacher of preachers. A man so revered, so holy. That his wife wore lipstick shook me to the core.

And shortly after that, I started wearing nail polish.

Looking back now, I laugh. It’s funny how we try to define evil in such childish, simplistic ways. Writing this blog—tentatively titled Evil to the Power of Five—has opened my eyes to the deeper complexities of both evil and goodness.
As Paul wrote, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Evil may be real, and often ugly—but in comparison, love is far more powerful.

That same passage ultimately points us toward grace. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock…” God is always extending love. Always inviting.

It’s given me a deeper appreciation for the quiet, persistent power of love. In the end, lipstick isn’t evil - it isn't our enemy - a closed heart is.

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” —Henry Van Dyke

Collective - 4

6/13/2025

Satisfying Justice

I’ve always wondered at God’s seemingly nonchalant response to the first murder in the Eden story of origin.

According to the Genesis account, God knew exactly what had happened and confronted Cain directly: “What have you done? Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground!”

But then God doesn’t demand a life for a life. Instead, He places a mark on Cain—not as a curse, but as protection - a sign of divine mercy, ensuring that Cain would not be killed by others seeking revenge.

Sure there were consequences: “If you till the ground, it shall no longer yield its produce. You shall become a constant wanderer on the earth.” But now we understand this “constant wandering” in psychological terms. Trauma, guilt, and the weight of evil became part of Cain’s inner landscape. He developed post traumatic stress disorder or ADHD - any of these dysfunction would have him wandering.....

So I wondered why God hadn't judged more fairly - made a point of establishing right and wrong - and given us a model on how to deal with our murderous souls.

Now, after having re-examined evil through the lens of the five faces, I can see God's wisdom . We who are infected with the chaos of evil are incapable of doing true justice. We can try - but it is never going to be a justice that heals, finds the truth and satisfies our need for safety.

Why?

Because we all have this hidden undercurrent need to blame—lurking beneath every form of brokenness and chaos I’ve described so far.

I first noticed this in our support group for parents of murdered children, which I joined after Candace was killed. There, I saw how easily we fall into blaming the victim—sometimes subtly, sometimes openly. This tendency stems in part from our deep need to believe that the world is fair - that life has order. Psychologists call it the just-world hypothesis: “If something bad happened, surely they - the victim - must have done something to deserve it.” Cliff, my husband, was blamed—as many family members often are when there’s been a stranger abduction.

I also noticed that in our group - the blame that should have been directed at the actual perpetrator - more often than not - was directed at the partner - the police - the church - God.

Oddly, we as victims don't direct our deepest anger at the perpetrator. Instead, we aimed it sideways—at those closest to us:

Someone who is safe
Someone close - proximity has a lot to do with our blame
Someone perhaps who has already annoyed us - and this might serve as a dual purpose in getting rid of them as well.

Blame-shifting—also called deflection— a psychological defense - is another way of dealing with out own guilt feelings. Blaming someone else helps us preserve our self-image and keeps us from facing the depth of our own vulnerability.

Then when this pervasive blame is used in our collective self, it can spread like wildfire—through our externals, families, churches, communities, even nations. We cancel. We ghost. We reject. We exile others the way Cain was exiled.

Yet - we want to do justice and are determined to find justice which explains why we are always searching for proof:

Proof that our pain matters.
Proof that our retaliation is justified.
Proof that we are owed something.

As Jean Chrétien once famously (and confusingly) said: “A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It’s a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it’s because it’s proven.”

But proof doesn’t restore wholeness. It doesn’t bring back what we’ve lost. No punishment - no amount of perceived justice - can truly make things right.

Ultimately - God knew we can't do justice and has said... "vengeance is mine, I will repay. " and he has promised in the end to do a fair justice.

Till then we can only find justice and try to do things right - through forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn’t cancel justice—it transcends it. It can transform blame into shared sorrow.

And sorrow, when shared, becomes the soil of healing. It’s when we start spilling our sweat—and not our blood—that we begin to rebuild. Not alone, but together.— David Hume

Collective - 3

6/12/2025

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I still remember the day a good friend asked me what it would take for me to feel justice had been done. Without hesitation, I said, “ It wouldn't be enough for the murderer to die - ten child murderers would have to die—and I would have to pull the trigger.”

I’ve told that story countless times. And I have to admit—I still get a certain grim satisfaction from telling it.

Then I realized that underneath that satisfaction... I’ve just turned into a murderer - like Cain.

Can this truly be the root face of a Collective evil? Murder?

Let's unpack this a bit more....

There’s an old proverb that says it best and we say it quite glibly. “Out of sight, out of mind.” This reflect that basic belief that it’s easier to stop caring about someone—or something—once we no longer see them.

When we’ve been victimized, when grief overwhelms and the pain becomes unbearable.
When death stalks us. Truth becomes distorted. Lies swirl. Trust shatters and even God feels distant—or absent altogether. When the Serpent's lies continue to haunt us and turn our worlds into chaos. When our trauma grows unmanageable, it can begin to feel like that invisible elephant in the room.

Pierre Trudeau once said, “ it's like sleeping with an elephant - one is affected by every twitch and grunt.”

In this confusion, all we do is want to regain control— this is where we might quietly embrace that simple proverb: out of sight, out of mind which leads us to a dangerous conclusion: identify the source—and eliminate it.

Elimination comes in many forms. Cancel it. Avoid it. Escape it. Destroy it. Kill it.
Silence the threat, restore the border, regain control.

We rage war. On the news every night there are reports of another killing. It's usually men involved. One could conclude.. “Men, - always killing each other.”

We, women don't kill.... or do we? When something threatens our peace from within—like an unplanned pregnancy, a child on the way that could disrupt everything? We may choose to abort.

We do justice by arresting and throwing the unwanted into jail. We give life sentences to the violent. In some countries - we execute. We bully....

And then there are quieter forms of killing: Divorce. Ghosting. Firing. Slandering. These aren't murder we say - no one is physically killed.....

But then Jesus raised the standards. In the Sermon on the Mount, he redefined the commandment “You shall not murder” to include all expressions of hatred, saying that harsh words and unexpressed anger are precursors to the same sin. Calling someone “Raka”—empty-headed, foolish—was not just rude, but has murderous intent and consequences. Today, we have other words: “Stupid.” “Loser.” Casual curses with killing power.

And so here we are—each of us with an elephant inside, twitching in pain - resorting to murder.

“The world says: ‘You have needs—satisfy them. You have as much right as the rich and the mighty. Don’t hesitate to satisfy your needs; indeed, expand your needs and demand more.’ This is the worldly doctrine of today. And they believe that this is freedom. The result—for the rich—is isolation and suicide; for the poor, envy and murder.” Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Collective - 2

6/11/2025

Murder

After the murder of our daughter, I remember asking a couple of our friends, leaders in our church community, how to deal with the chaos of trauma we were experiencing.

They looked at us with big eyes and apologized profusely that they knew nothing about what we were experiencing. As a Mennonite community we knew about martyrdom, persecution, rejection, wars and revolutions, but no one in our church had experienced "the trauma of first degree murder."

Then I looked for biblical support...and that's when I found it in the story of Cain and Abel - the first human children, the first generation born into the world—which makes them the members of the first collective . There I found murder - right there in the original family.

Let's unpack that again....

After eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, Adam and Eve's eyes were opened. They realized they were naked and sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. Later, God made garments of animal skins for them—a gesture many interpret as a foreshadowing of the sacrificial system, pointing forward to the ultimate atonement through Christ.

To survive in the cursed world, they had to work hard. Their children, Abel kept flocks, Cain worked the soil.

When it came time to present offerings to their God, Cain brought some of the fruits of the ground, while Abel brought the fat portions of the firstborn of his flock. God looked with favor on Abel’s offering—but not on Cain’s. Cain burned with anger and could not get over it.

Eventually enraged by God's rejection, Cain killed Abel his brother. It was first degree murder.

Could it be that the collective—our external, systemic, social supports - manifests evil in its most primal form as murder?

“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.” ― Voltaire

Collective - 1

6/10/2025

Cursed

I’ve come to an important juncture in my exploration of “evil to the power of five.” I want to clarify that this exploration is grounded in the five basic spheres I identified as foundational to the human experience: body, mind, heart, spirit, and collective. I’ve explained and defended this fivefold framework in detail in my book Impossible, so I won’t repeat that here.

I also want to remind you that my exploration of evil is deliberately confined to the Genesis account of creation, specifically the Garden of Eden, which I see as our story of origin. In public relations, we were taught that a company’s origin story holds the key to understanding its essence, purpose, and direction. The same holds true for humanity. Once a “DNA” is established in the origin story, it shapes everything that follows. That means the Eden story—with its tree of the knowledge of good and evil—contains within it the original DNA of evil.

So far, I’ve explored how evil touches the body, mind, heart, and spirit. Now, I turn to the final sphere: the collective. In Impossible, I propose that each of these spheres has its own form of intelligence—an IQ of the body, heart, mind, and spirit. These are internal. But what about the Collective IQ—that external force made up of systems, structures, and shared experiences that surround and influence us? Yes, we live from the inside out, but we also exist within webs of power, culture, and community that shape us.

To apply this fivefold paradigm to the Garden of Eden, I must ask: Does the Garden have a “collective”? And if so, what does it look like? That’s where I paused. I had never really considered the Garden as having a collective sphere, which would imply the existence of a boundary, a gate, and something that exists outside the Garden.

And there it is:
“Then the Lord God said, ‘Now these human beings have become like one of us and have knowledge of what is good and what is bad. They must not be allowed to take fruit from the tree that gives life, eat it, and live forever.’ So the Lord God sent them out of the Garden of Eden and made them cultivate the soil from which they had been formed. Then at the east side of the garden he put living creatures and a flaming sword which turned in all directions. This was to keep anyone from coming near the tree that gives life.”
(Genesis 3:22–24)

What lies outside the Garden? A cursed world.

For Adam, the curse meant toiling over cursed ground until he returned to dust.
For Eve, it meant intensified pain in childbirth and subjection to her husband.
Even the earth itself became a place of hardship and resistance.

It is the beginning of the Collective—a sphere marred by broken systems, scarcity, pain, power struggles, and alienation.

I would consider these curses consequences of making the wrong choices - tough - but they aren't the evil. Good work, babies are not the evil.

The question now is: How does evil—externalized—take shape in the systems we now live within?

Yet even here, there is hope.

“God is a God who has not given up on His people. If He wanted to give up, He would have given up back in the Garden of Eden.”—Kirk Cameron

Spirit - 5

6/7/2025

Symbols...

These are the symbols I’ve chosen to represent the subtle, complex forms of evil I have uncovered. Each one reflects a distortion of what was once good, echoing the moment humanity first stepped away from the Creator’s truth.

🍫 Chocolate
Chocolate is often used to symbolize indulgence, pleasure, and temptation. It represents self-reward, instant gratification, and emotional comfort—seemingly harmless, even delightful. But beneath the surface lies a lure: a craving that promises satisfaction, yet never truly satisfies.
This is the apple that turned into chaos—ushering in fear and the shadow of death.

💄 Lipstick
At the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries, red lipstick was viewed in Puritan and patriarchal societies as a mark of impropriety—used by actresses and those outside the bounds of what was considered “decent.” Over time, it became a symbol of allure, power, and sometimes, deception.
This is the allure of the serpent—inviting us to believe a lie dressed as beauty.

💋 Kiss
In Scripture, the kiss becomes a symbol of betrayal. Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus with a kiss in the Garden of Gethsemane—a moment where intimacy was weaponized and trust was shattered.
This is the hierarchical ploy—the twist n the Garden that turned love into a battleground.

👣 Footsteps
Footsteps, both literal and symbolic, often represent divine guidance, a spiritual journey, or the legacy of those who have gone before. But in Eden, the sound of footsteps meant something different. Adam and Eve hid when they heard God’s steps—choosing shame over relationship with their Creator....
This is the hiding from God—a manifestation of the broken bond and a signal of allegiance to another leader.

Each of these represents not just evil, but the choices and seductions that drew humanity away from truth. Evil rarely appears as a monster—it shows up as fear, temptation, pleasure, and misdirected footsteps.

“Man only becomes independent of this physical world when he learns to consider the objects around him as symbols. He must, for this reason, seek to acquire a moral relationship to them.”
— Rudolf Steiner

Spirit - 4

6/5/2025

My Way

Recently, I listened again to Frank Sinatra’s iconic song “I Did It My Way.”

I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

I didn’t expect the goosebumps, or the slight welling of tears. No wonder it’s considered one of Sinatra’s most timeless songs — an anthem of independence, courage, and personal triumph.

But now, as I study the story of Eve in the Garden of Eden, I hear the lyrics differently. They don’t just echo Sinatra’s personal journey — they mirror Eve’s ancient one.

Eve’s choice in Eden reflects the same deep human longing: autonomy, self-direction, and control. The Serpent’s promise was seductive — “You will be like God, knowing good and evil.” It was the ultimate invitation to do life on one’s own terms. And Eve took it.

She stepped off the path of dependence on God and tried to chart her own course. But unlike the triumphant ending in the song, Eve’s story spiraled into sorrow, separation, and shame. Her boldness did not lead to glory — it led to exile.

Why was Eve so vulnerable? Why wasn't her choice as triumphant? I think its because she had a supernatural connection to the Divine. They had a rare intimacy at that time - it sounds as if they even shared evening walks together - and the Serpent was able to twist that divine connection into a temptation. The longing to be with God became the urge to replace Him. And that’s still our struggle today.

We like to think we have three fundamental choices:

I can follow God.
I can choose the Serpent.
Or
I can do it my way.

But that third option — “my way” — is an illusion. We are not powerful enough. We are not wise enough.

We do have secondary choices such as not to do it my mother's way - my father's way - even my dear friend's way - then to choose to do it my way is a courageous choice - especially if it is slightly better.

But to assume to know better than Creator God - the God who spins the planets on his fingertips - is really preposterous.

We are not in control of our world. Eve didn't choose her own way - she couldn't - so she chose against God. She really chose a vacuum of nothingness - chaos.

In many ways we are still following her footsteps - Eve's way.

And yet this God, who is obviously not a micromanager - and as the one who made us knows us better than anyone - still loves us and has even offered to help us to do "it my way."

Sinatra’s song stirs something in us — because doing it sounds brave. But in the end, it may be the bravest thing of all to say, “Not my way, but Yours God.”

“Surrender your own poverty and acknowledge your nothingness to the Lord. Whether you understand it or not, God loves you, is present in you, lives in you, dwells in you, calls you, saves you and offers you an understanding and compassion which are like nothing you have ever found in a book or heard in a sermon.” ― Thomas Merton

Spirit - 3

6/4/2025

Chaos (and a Bullet)

Protected.
That’s the word I’d use now. From an early age, I had experienced the presence of a loving Father God and had been taught to avoid any personification of the devil—and because of that, I don’t have many stories of facing evil in a direct, embodied way.

Except one - well kind of....

There was a moment—now that I look back—when I was congratulating myself for having never encountered the devil personified. But then, I heard a voice. Low. Deep. “I do have a bullet… aimed…” It sounded evil. It sounded like the devil.

I shrugged it off. By this time we had encountered suffering, trauma, temptations, the dark side, sinister cloud of depression, but I had kept my distance from horror movies, satanic themes, or haunted stories, exorcisms and the likes. So I was taken aback by the voice but didn't think it was real - until we took a road trip -- to BC.

We’d been invited to a wedding in Victoria. Instead of flying, we decided to make it an adventure—a road trip, just like the old days. The empty nest syndrome had left us raw and restless, looking for a refreshing vacation and need to get off the grid and just be ourselves again.

Our only vehicle was my father’s beat-up Oldsmobile. I adored it, but it wasn’t reliable. So we chose to take Cliff’s white company van, threw our sleeping bags in the back, and hit the road—hippie-style.

The wedding in Victoria was beautiful. And on our way home, we took the North Cascade Scenic Highway through Washington—quiet, breathtaking, soul-healing. Though we never actually slept in the back of our van as we intended (turns out pretending to be poor is hard when you can afford motels), we were in our groove again.

We were driving along, listening to old music, when suddenly: CRACK.

A sharp noise, sounding like a bullet hit us - the windshield jolted. We stopped. Got out. It looked exactly like a bullet had struck—angled just right to glance off the glass. It had been aimed at me. It was a miracle it hadn't shattered the glass.

Where did it come from? Was it deliberate? There was no one around. No cars. No houses.

At the next town, we had it checked.

“Yes,” the mechanic said. “That was a bullet. You want to report it?”

Locals guessed it was the wild mountain man—“a hippie with a gun,” someone muttered.

We chose not to report it. But I kept thinking: That was the bullet. And I’m okay.

It made everything afterward feel sacred. Driving. Talking. Laughing. Eventually,
Cliff got tired and I took the wheel. While I was driving, Cliff read to me from a book about the left brain vs. right brain. It sparked a deep conversation—about perception, time, truth, memory.

That’s when the police lights showed up behind me signaling me to pull over. The officer approached very cautiously, crouched low along the van, as if preparing for something dangerous. When he saw me in the driver’s seat, he did a double take— I was clearly not what he expected.

“What are you doing?” he asked, shocked. “Why didn’t you stop earlier?”

Apparently, he’d been following us through the entire town, trying to pull us over. I hadn’t noticed. I was immersed in Cliff’s voice, in the book, in the moment. And honestly, I ignore U.S. speed limit signs. They’re in miles—I’m Canadian. I don’t do math.

To the officer, though, we were driving a beat up utility van with a Canadian license plate, a bullet-scarred windshield, erratic driving… we looked like violent, desperate drug dealers, I'm sure.

When we explained the book, the drive, our very boring selves, he softened. “My wife would love that book,” he admitted. We even pulled him into the discussion.

Still, he said, “I can’t let you off with a warning. When you didn’t pull over, I reported you - and now there’s a sting operation set up just ahead. Tactical units, checkpoints—ready to trap a threat.” We all smiled at the absurdity of it all - but also the horror - what if we had been pulled out of the van - on our faces - cuffed...

We were mortified. I apologized profusely.

Cliff took the wheel after that.

The rest of the journey was uneventful—but when we turned into our driveway at home in Winnipeg, it felt like we had time-traveled. Back to our hippie years. Back to Eden. We had faced a bullet, avoided a sting - and were keenly aware that there is something darker always lurking in the shadows of our lives.

For the person of sound body and serene of mind there is no such thing as bad weather; every day has its beauty, and storms which whip the blood and make it pulse more vigorously. - George Gissing

Spirit - 2

6/3/2025

Serpent Personifies Evil

In the Garden, the Serpent appears as the personification of evil.

I used to think evil was simple: one figure, one name—clearly defined in the Bible. But now I wonder. Who is the real source, the real leader of darkness? Is it the Serpent, Lucifer, Satan, the Dragon -- or is it the one who appeared to Jesus in the wilderness - the Devil?

Now I believe that it is the Devil.... When they meet, Jesus does not confront or ridicule him - saying his claims are preposterous -- he takes the Devil very seriously.

As described in Scripture, Jesus is led by the Spirit into the wilderness, where He fasts for forty days and is then tempted by the Devil. Three temptations are laid before Jesus, each aimed at twisting truth and leveraging divine power for personal or worldly gain. Jesus resists them all by standing firmly on God’s Word.

I think it is worth it - to lay it out here... as recorded.

Temptation to turn stones into bread
The Devil says: “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become bread.”
Jesus responds with Deuteronomy 8:3:
“Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”
Temptation to jump from the temple
The Devil challenges Him to leap off the pinnacle of the temple, quoting Psalm 91 to suggest angels will catch Him.
Jesus replies with Deuteronomy 6:16:
“You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.”
Temptation of world power
The Devil shows Jesus all the kingdoms of the world and offers them in exchange for worship.
Jesus declares with Deuteronomy 6:13:
“You shall worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.

This is the Devil in action. This is a reminder for us to take any temptation serious.

But there are other references to this Evil - other personifications.

If we apply the fivefold framework—Body, Mind, Heart, Spirit, and Collective—we begin to see personified evil in layers throughout Scripture.

The Serpent – Body
A deceptive creature, portraying evil as something desirable. The Serpent tricks by appealing to hunger, beauty, and pride—manipulating the body’s natural desires.
Satan the Negotiator – Mind
In the Book of Job, Satan appears before God, challenging Job’s loyalty. This Satan seems like a legalistic figure, negotiating suffering and testing the boundaries of the human mind.
Lucifer – Heart
Referenced in Isaiah 14:12 as the “morning star” or “shining one,” Lucifer is seen as a figure who chose pride over obedience. Sin originated in his free will. His fall wasn’t just disobedience—it was betrayal of a relationship with the Creator. The heart turned away- it betrays God.
The Dragon – Spirit
In Revelation, the Dragon is a cosmic power—massive, crowned, politically influential. He wages war in the heavens, is cast down, and still holds sway over the earth. This is spiritual warfare on a global scale—justice, judgment, and cosmic struggle.
Demons – Collective
These minions act as agents of evil, scattered throughout the world, tempting, deceiving, and opposing God’s people. They are like foot soldiers in a much larger war. Demons can be cast out or silenced. We do have authority over these.

Each figure tells us something different about how darkness moves: through appetite, through accusation, through betrayal, through pride, through dominion, and through countless smaller agents that show up in the most unexpected place.

The devil made me do it. - Flip Wilson