Blog Archives

Launched - and so much more

11/27/2023

I will never forget the moment! The room was filled with people I love - and then a beautiful, young talented friend gave an award-winning speech describing her experience of "Lavish Mercy" my historical romance book I was launching. The speech itself was poetic, descriptive and a writer's dream. As the organizer of the art show - she was the one who had also decorated my signing table with flowers and a vase overflowing with jewelry reflective of the cover of my book - she had obviously read it and truly enjoyed it. Truly. She said it was a page-turner!

It was in that moment that I was finally convinced that I had done it. I had written a book celebrating love, set in an enchanting village, with an action driven plot that reflected forgiveness. And most important, it was page-turner.

I was capable of fulfilling my childhood dream to become a "historical romance writer." It was a delicious moment. God does give us the desires of our hearts if we believe and act on it.

Thank you Paige Buhler - you truly are beautiful. Thank you to my son, Syras Derksen, pastor of Maplecrest Church, who staged the event and read from the book. (I'm a terrible reader so Cliff usually read from the book I was launching so to have Syras do it was a "moment." ) Thank you to all of the talented artists who created an amazing backdrop of exquisite art. Thank you to the singers, Shauna and Danielle who set the mood. Thank you to Andi (and helpers) for providing lunch and coffee, to Al for guarding us all. Thank you to Merlene for being our officinal accountant, to Muriel and Diane for helping me at the signing table. Thank you to those who came to the launch, who prayed and held me together with all those encouraging words. Thank you to my family - extended and immediate - who have always encouraged my writing.... Thank you to those who bought the book ....

I am filled with gratitude this morning.

I am now letting it go. The book will find its own path now.

For those of you who are asking. It can be bought from Amazon or McNally Robinson. Just for fun you can submit an Amazon review on December 10 - good, bad or ugly. I will be thrilled.

I am so blessed.

Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity. - Henri Nouwen

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You are invited

11/23/2023

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Be Inspired - its all about you!

I won't deny that originally we set up this November cerebration as a coping mechanism for ourselves to get through the shadows of our personal trauma- - but it always becomes so much more.

This Sunday we are showcasing original music, master painters and the art of writing. It is going to be about them taking canter stage, but let me assure you that in this setting the audience plays as big a role in their creativity as the artists themselves.

Art needs to be shared to come alive. When we witness each others creativity, we breathe life into the process. Then together we create something new - a connection. This connection between spectator and artist revitalizes both - brings meaning to both.

Yesterday I had a conversation that reminded me that this also has another purpose. Something else is happening behind the scenes. Unseen, unknown - sprouting in the corners - something else is growing. It seems the book launch is inspiring others to write fiction.

I'm learning that there seems to be a natural progression from researching one's own life to wanting to tell the true story - the real stories in fiction form -- the unvarnished truth.

Art inspires art. Art inspires love. Art inspires healing. Art dispels the darkness.

This is when we take out the fireworks....

“I love telling the true and unvarnished stories of quirky people who never existed but would make our world more fascinating.” - Don Roff

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#7 Love

11/11/2023

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You are invited!

It's going to happen. It's taking shape. You are invited to my book launch of Lavish Mercy. a historical romance novel.

Date: Sunday, November 26, 2023 – program starts at 1:00 pm
Location: Maplecrest Church, Prendergast Building, 906 Cottonwood Rd., Winnipeg,

If you really want the full experience you will want to join us for worship at 10:00 am, stay for a quick lunch and then admire the art until doors open at 1:00. We will start with three musicians introducing their original songs - then the launch - ending with a panel discussion. We will also entertain your questions. We will have a brilliant discussion about how to "overcome anxiety."

My anxiety has now turned into a healthy anticipation.

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength — carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”— Corrie ten Boom

https://maplecrestvineyard.com/event-overcoming-anxiety/

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#6 Love

11/9/2023

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Safety net of Love

Heard snatches of an interesting conversation on a show yesterday, the author/psychologist said that to live is terrifying, so terrifying that we as human beings seek safety in love.

"Unfortunately, we don’t discriminate - we fall in love with food, alcohol, drugs - all kinds of addictive behavior to avoid this dreadful feeling of constant fear."

Then the host interviewed different guests on her show suffering from these addictions: such as, food, alcohol, sex, drugs, work. They talked about their insane love affair with their chosen addiction - and how choosing the wrong love can destroy everything.

If love is the answer to fear, then the challenge is to find the right object – person – goal - spirit to love.

Since I am now in the business of love as a romance writer, I need to understand it, dissect it and then manufacture it.

This conversation of misdirected love resonated with me. Even in romance novels it’s not easy to have the characters fall in love with the right person. In my first attempts of writing a romance – the Beta readers all fell in love with the wrong man! I could not believe it! This is not acceptable! In a romance novel the ending cannot be one of disappointment.

It took me years to resolve it – and I hope I have. You will need to read, “Lavish Mercy” to see if I have.

But the challenge continues. In the first drafts of my next book – I was unable to have the two main characters fall in love. They were kissing – but not falling in love. Not feeling it. Figure that out. Something was missing. It took a lot of work to make their love feel real.

I’ve learned the hard way that all the ingredients of love need to be present before the magic of love can happen.

It’s so fun – I’m now already drafting my third plot – well I'm imagining it. But already I’m running into a problem. The two main characters are not attracted to each other and I’m wondering if they even have the capacity to love and if not – how do I fix that?

Apparently even in real life, the question is; what do we love – who do we love – can we love?

I miss your voice because it is a symphony; your scent because it is a treasure; your smile because it is a jewel; your hug because it is a masterpiece; and your kiss because it is a miracle. ― Matshona Dhliwayo

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#5 Love

11/7/2023

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Overwhelming Anxiety

I know we’re suppose to be exploring ‘overcoming anxiety” at this year's Celebration – but right now I’m filled with ‘overwhelming anxiety.’

It’s that feeling of tenseness, nervousness – inability to relax. “Anxiety is having
a sense of dread, or fearing the worst. feeling like the world is speeding up or slowing down.”

Fear, anxiety, doubt are really such unnecessary emotions. And yet they are hard to ignore.

Last night I dreamt I found a map of a place I had been looking for so I enlarged it, and made it into a wall hanging. I was so delighted! Then I found out it was a map of the wrong place. I woke up and my heart was pounding!

Clearly my dreams are revealing that I am anxious!

Anxiety comes when we are faced with an unknown.

I’m always doing something new. I love newness - because in the face of something new – we need to be creative. But the act of creativity can be anxiety provoking - in and of itself.

Creativity requires us to face an empty screen or blank canvas, literally or figuratively. Because creativity means doing something that has not been done before, there are no roadmaps. And we never know how will others react to our ideas or creations.

The main reason for the connection between anxiety and creativity is imagination.

The problem is that the same brain that conjures up inventive paintings, poetry, novels and music can also get trapped in repetitive thoughts and dreadful worries.

Another problem is that creativity can also help us fight overwhelming anxiety.

Apparently creative ventures help to fight anxiety because they activate the parts of your brain that process emotions. Music and art, for example, help to calm brain activity and allow the individual to feel a sense of emotional harmony.

It is a dilemma we need to explore.

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

https://www.facebook.com/events/362944562730637/?acontext=%7B%22event_action_history%22%3A[]%7D

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#4 Love

11/6/2023

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Hat Trick

I think I’m having an identity crisis. The book launch for my book, Lavish Mercy is on November 26. After that I will be identified publicly as a romance writer. Is that what I really want to be at this age?

I am familiar with the reputation of romance novels. As someone wrote, “Romance novels have been labeled as "bad, stupid, insipid and for ‘losers’ since long before parachute pants existed.” Another person wrote, Romance novels are considered by many, the “hat trick of easy targets: emotions, relationships…”

The other day, I was having coffee with a friend that I’ve known from years back when I was the emerging victim advocate writing stories of victims and promoting forgiveness.

I asked her what she thought of my change of focus from promoting victim awareness to writing frivolous love stories.

She laughed and confessed that she was a little envious that I could at this stage in life choose to change directions and have fun with a new topic. She has a wonderful life that I’m envious of - so it became a sharing of envy.

But then she said something important. She said that my moving into the love language and the love topics and the love stories was actually evidence that I had the ability to ‘move on’ and that I had truly forgiven.

Wow! That changes everything for me! There is continuity. There is reason for my madness. In the pursuit of forgiveness - love is the goal.

Romance is all about love – and there is nothing wrong with love!

I’ve reached my goal.

Life is one big love story with hundreds of little love stories within it. - Ram Charan

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#3 Love

11/3/2023

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Pre-launch book jitters – overwhelming anxiety!

One of my academic, intelligent friends did something wonderful for me - so to show my appreciation I gave her a copy of my romance book, Lavish Mercy.

She’s very busy so I didn’t expect her to read it. Yesterday she dropped me an email saying that she read it – twice. That’s all she said. ‘I read it twice.” She didn't elaborate.

She’s an academic! Academics don’t read romance books two times unless they have an issue with it.

I’m paranoid. I’m filled with overwhelming anxiety. Pre-launch book jitters!

Did the book fail again?

My biggest problem in writing romances is to have the main characters fall in love with the right man or even fall in love all together. I’m so obsessed with this. I’m even watching - studying- Hallmark movies wondering what makes people truly fall in love.

What I am learning is that proximity is a key factor. Just being close allows the sparks to fly. Chemistry.

Then there is the the power of words. “I value you. I love you. I think you are special.” But words in and of themselves aren’t trustworthy.

What makes people fall romantically into true love? I am now convinced it's when they hold space for each other.

Holding space means sitting quietly with someone we care about and offering them our full attention. It’s about turning off our words and listening with an open heart to the truth of someone’s life – and loving it.

To do this in real life is hard – to convey this in a book is even harder.

I remember that Cliff really knew how to hold space. ... I miss him.

But the question remains - Why did she read the book twice? I phone, I email, I text! Like I said I’m paranoid. I’m filled with overwhelming anxiety. Pre-launch book jitters!

Finally reaching her – she said she read it twice because she "liked it."

I’m relieved – delighted….. till the next time.

I think fearless is having fears but jumping anyway. - Taylor Swift

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#2 Love

11/2/2023

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Love is Holding Space

I feel a panic around this time every year. It's November – trauma month. I never forget November 30. All these years and I still remember – and carry some of the trauma!

So in the past, every year around this time we would confront our trauma with some kind of ‘event’ usually having to do with Cliff’s art. I loved his art – especially his later art sculptures that documented his healing journey. Sometimes I would contribute my own art and sometimes like last year– I would launch a book. Miraculously the right people would show up and always say the right things – comforting us by entering into our creative expression – and just be with us.

I don’t think we always knew what we were doing - but whatever it was it seemed to work so we continued doing it.

In hindsight, I now know what we were doing. By collecting people around us and having them simply listen to us - they were healing us.

Why did it work?

Because, we all hold the power to heal others. Not with the tools of medicine, but with our natural ability to be present and pay attention. When we share this gift of listening with someone who’s struggling, it’s a way of holding space for them to heal.

Holding space is often described as bearing witness, as listening with attention and without intervention. It’s a disarmingly simple, yet incredibly powerful practice.

Love is holding space for each other.

"The truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen – room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." Unknown

Come join us November 26, 2023 Sunday afternoon for our Creative Arts Celebration at Maplecrest and join us in the healing practice of listening to each other.

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#1 Love

11/1/2023

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Plotting Love

Recently I’ve been approached by a very good friend, asking. “I haven’t heard from you for a while, why aren’t you blogging? Are you okay?”

I’m good – real good. Actually, I’m in love with love.

This past weekend. I completed the draft of my second romance novel.

It was another test of whether I really want to be a romance writer. Was my childhood dream real? Is this truly fulfilling?

I was on such a high when I was finished. It truly is an amazing entertaining delight when the plot goes the way it should and I have successfully created two character who fall head over heels in love with each other – but it is absolutely horrifying when the plot is successful but the two main characters don’t fall in love.

My first attempt failed. My characters would not fall in love! Can you imagine, I could not make them fall in love?

I learned so much! My biggest learning? True love stories are difficult to write. Comparatively action books are easy - you just find the criminal, shoot him and he is dead. End of story! In a love story there is an added second plot – an intense, complicated, unpredictable emotional plot with an unexpected ending.

I also learned that there is an important difference between romance and love.

Apparently, romance is the feeling of excitement and mystery. The genre of romantic fiction places its primary focus on the “falling in love’ between two people, and usually has an "emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending.” It’s chemistry.

Whereas a love story goes much deeper. It includes a strong feeling of warm personal attachment, deep affection, and a sense of responsibility displayed in an intricate plot of relationship development filled with intense, fragile, and complex emotions.

I’m fortunate. I can do both. Since my books are about people living in the Kuban Mennonite villages set in the wild frontiers of Russia in the early 1900’s, they contain both action and romance.

The stories are full of gun battles, attempted kidnappings, torture and kisses – based on the stories my father told me. What fun!

So – the answer? I’m having fun – at least I was having fun.

Now what?

“Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence.” Edmond de Goncourt

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Launched - and so much more

You are invited

Be Inspired - its all about you!

#7 Love

You are invited!

#6 Love

Safety net of Love

#5 Love

Overwhelming Anxiety

#4 Love

Hat Trick

#3 Love

Pre-launch book jitters – overwhelming anxiety!

#2 Love

Love is Holding Space

#1 Love

Plotting Love

Author

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Be Inspired - its all about you!

You are invited!

Safety net of Love

Overwhelming Anxiety

Hat Trick

​Pre-launch book jitters – overwhelming anxiety!

Love is Holding Space

Plotting Love

Author

Archives

Categories

Pre-launch book jitters – overwhelming anxiety!