Wilma Derksen
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2025 - 3

1/20/2025

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Marathon

I completed the marathon.
Now I can look out of my ninth-floor view with relief.
It’s a beautiful clear day. The temperature is -32 - windchill -45. You would think these temperatures would trigger a severe weather warning that would have the city declare an emergency and everyone would go underground to wait it out. But no –. we are a hardy city. We do complain in the elevator – a bit – but always with a smile.

Last Saturday, I promised everyone that I would have my draft manuscript “Impossible” forgiveness completed, January 17, on the anniversary day that Candace’s body was found 40 years ago.

I did it. It nearly killed me. I locked myself away for the entire week – and in the dungeons of my heart and in my trembling brain, I just sputtered until it was out.  I am amazed that I did it. I actually completed it and sent it away.

 The initial response from one of my readers was, “I have been challenged and encouraged as I read through your draft. It's beautiful and brilliant…. Your work is amazing and I know it will be inspiring and thought-provoking once it's out there in the world.”

It was the appropriate thing to say… I know that. So, I continue reading the email, waiting for the “but it might need some major structural issues.”

None, I think the manuscript actually  hangs together this time. It still need obvious work but it is done.

My thoughts and feelings about forgiveness have been finally captured on paper. That’s epic!
 
Running a marathon is appealing to runners for many reasons. It's epic! A real test for your mind and body and a challenge that truly fills you with complete elation when you cross the finish line.  AJ Odudu

Thank you for your prayers and support during this time - I needed all of it. 


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2025 - 2

1/13/2025

4 Comments

 

2025 - 2

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it – this interest in my story.
 
In church this morning, people were commenting on their surprise at finding a giant picture of me on the front-page of Saturday’s Winnipeg Free Press. I know - I’m ancient – and I look ancient.
 
But when I express my surprise as well – saying that I am hardly a breaking news journalism story. - one of them agrees, but then says…. ” But you do fit the criteria of a human-interest story which is also an important to Winnipeg."
​ 
She’s right,. Apparently a human-interest story presents people and their problems, concerns, or achievements in a way that brings about interest, sympathy or motivation in the reader or viewer. news
 
Actually, I am honored – but it does add pressure. Even though the story itself featured the Candace House – it does mention the fact that I am writing a book about forgiveness. It even gives a deadline – January 17, 2025.
 
Imagine the pressure – I have just publicly promised to write a book on “Impossible Forgiveness” – and have it completed by this Friday.
 
That takes care of all other plans I might have been entertaining  for this week – and  I wonder what shape -  both I and the completed manuscript will look like – come Friday.
 
Deadlines refine the mind. They remove variables like exotic materials and processes that take too long. The closer the deadline, the more likely you'll start thinking way outside the box. – Adam Savage  
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2025 - 1

1/6/2025

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Fivefold Eagle

I think I might blog - once a week. Feel free to join my in my journey through this amazing year.

From what I'm hearing - the word for this year is grace - found in the number five. I am going to take advantage of this emphasis on five and explore my fivefold forgiveness journey in 2025.

Actually in the past - when I can't seem to finish a book, I resort to blogging and it seems to help me. This is my ulterior motive for blogging  I'm stuck and I want to push through to finish this book

Here is how I begin the manuscript ... entitled, "Impossible, my seven steps to forgiveness."

I am sitting in my apartment – nine floors up and I see this magnificent bird in the distance – soaring in the sky. It isn’t flapping its wings like the geese, seagulls or magpies that usually fly by my window, its just floating effortlessly on the invisible currents of the wind. I am fascinated.

Then it begins to circle closer and closer until it flies right by my balcony window. It seems to pause, midflight, notice me for a moment, then with a flap of its massive wings swoops up over my building out of sight until it reappears again in the far distance.

It is an eagle! I’ve never seen an eagle in this part of the city before. In fact, I’ve never locked eyes with an eagle in mid flight.

I am mesmerized.

In the distance, I watch how it still continues to float and soar. Its white feathered head glimmering in the sunlight, as it glides higher and higher for longer periods of time – longer than any other bird known to man.

What a moment!  To witness this amazing bird riding the air current with its large wings designed to float so effortlessly. Fly Eagle Fly.

I envy it.

The eagle has become a symbolic floating metaphor, a poetic image often associated with the ability to rise above the difficulties of life through faith in God.  It’s always an inspiration.

I look down at my computer, I am writing about forgiveness.
​
Does forgiveness give us wings to ride the dark currents of our night?

There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud. Carl Sandburg





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2025

1/1/2025

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It's January 1, 2025. Wonderful New Years' Party -  drove home late last night in a soft snow flurry. I'm still pondering the image of a Dung Gate. Does this mean 2025 is going to be a “shitty”– or a “smelly” year? 
 
When I began teaching a writing course six years ago, I knew that I had to create a safe place apart from the inner critic that haunts and inhibits beginning writers.
 
Around the same time, I became aware of research on lie detection. They had learned that to find out if someone is honest, ask them if they enjoy a good bowel movement. If they deny it – they are lying. Apparently, we all feel really good after we have had emptied ourselves, had a good dump – and the place stinks.
 
So when I began teaching, I instructed the writers to imagine themselves in the washroom. “When you write your first draft – go into a washroom, lock the doors and sit on the toilet and shit it out.”
 
I don’t ordinarily like to use the word “shit” but in this context it seemed appropriate. I used it as a rule – repeating it every week for the eight week course. “Lock everyone out of your private room, - don’t even let your partner in – and enjoy a good dump.” I said over and over again.
 
I’ve been teaching that course now for six years and I have been surprised at the success of the writing that has come out of those washroom breaks.  I think there are a few other props that have helped, but I truly believe it was this constant urging to write the first draft on the toilet – this unique safe workspace especially suited for the vulnerable moments  – that helped the most. We all need a safe place. to create.
 
I am still smiling -- as I wish you a happy new year. May this Dung Gate image for 2025 – symbolizing a smelly but healthy year – inspire you to take advantage of those washroom breaks and turn each stinky moment of this new year  into something beautiful.
 
Wishing you a Happy Safe New Year!
 
“You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue.”  Claude Chabrol
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2025

12/31/2024

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Prophetic

I was talking to my God this morning.
It is December 31, 2024
 “What about this coming year? What about 2025”  I ask.
I then opened my tattered Bible to the word “dung gate.” Does this mean 2025 is going to be a “shitty” year – or a “garbage” year? 
I’m smiling. There is something fun about knowing that this might be a “smelly” year. In other words, it’s not going to be perfect.
Another word came – this time it was… “Meaningless!”  So, this year is also going to feel meaningless?
I continue reading. 
According to the teacher in Ecclesiastes -  even though life can be pointless - we can still be intentional. “The teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true.” 
Does this mean we all need to write out the wisdoms gleaned during this meaningless, pointless, shitty year of 2025? 
The next word was "Passover." Apparently our words will have “Passover” power. They will deliver us. I think this refers to forgiveness.
And then the most important encouragement. The last words I opened to were –  “Don’t be afraid. Just trust me.”
Yes - Lord.

Happy New Year!

It's wonderful to climb the liquid mountains of the sky. Behind me and before me is God and I have no fears." Helen Keller


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Launched - and so much more

11/27/2023

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I will never forget the moment! The room was filled with people I love - and then a  beautiful, young talented friend gave an award-winning speech describing her experience of "Lavish Mercy" my historical romance book I was launching. The speech itself was poetic, descriptive and a writer's dream.  As the organizer of the art show - she was the one who had also decorated my signing table with flowers and a vase overflowing with jewelry reflective of the cover of my book - she had obviously read it and truly enjoyed it. Truly.  She said it was a page-turner! 

It was in that moment that I was finally convinced that I had done it.  I had written a book celebrating love, set in an enchanting  village, with an action driven plot that reflected forgiveness. And most important, it was page-turner.

I was capable of fulfilling my childhood dream to become a "historical romance writer." It was a delicious moment.  God does give us the desires of our hearts if we believe and act on it. 

Thank you Paige Buhler - you truly are beautiful.  Thank you to my son, Syras Derksen, pastor of Maplecrest Church, who staged the event and read from the book. (I'm a terrible reader so Cliff usually read from the book I was launching so to have Syras do it was a "moment." ) Thank you to all of the talented artists who created an amazing backdrop of exquisite art. Thank you to the singers, Shauna and Danielle who set the mood. Thank you to Andi (and helpers) for providing lunch and coffee, to Al for guarding us all. Thank you to Merlene for being our officinal accountant, to Muriel and Diane for helping me at the signing table.  Thank you to those who came to the launch, who  prayed and held me together with  all those encouraging words.  Thank you to my family - extended and immediate - who have always encouraged my writing.... Thank you to those who bought the book ....

I am filled with gratitude this morning. 

I am now letting it go. The book will find its own path now.

For those of you who are asking. It can be bought from Amazon or McNally Robinson.  Just for fun you can submit an Amazon review on December 10 - good, bad or ugly. I will be thrilled. 

I am so blessed.
​
Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity. - Henri Nouwen










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You are invited

11/23/2023

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Be Inspired - its all about you!

I won't deny that originally  we set up this November cerebration  as a coping mechanism for ourselves to get through the shadows of our personal trauma-  - but it always becomes so much more. 

This Sunday we are showcasing original music, master painters and the art of writing. It is going to be about them taking canter stage, but let me assure you that in this setting the audience plays as big a role in their creativity as the artists themselves. 

Art needs to be shared to come alive. When we witness each others creativity, we breathe life into the process. Then together we create something new - a connection. This connection between spectator and artist revitalizes both - brings meaning to both.

Yesterday I had a conversation that reminded me that this also has another purpose. Something else is happening behind the scenes. Unseen, unknown - sprouting in the corners - something else is growing. It seems the book launch is inspiring others to write fiction. 

I'm learning that there seems to be a natural progression from researching one's own life to wanting to tell the true story - the real stories in fiction form -- the unvarnished truth. 

Art inspires art. Art inspires love. Art inspires healing. Art dispels the darkness.

This is when we take out the fireworks....

“I love telling the true and unvarnished stories of quirky people who never existed but would make our world more fascinating.”  - Don Roff




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#7 Love

11/11/2023

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You are invited!

​It's going to happen. It's taking shape. You are invited to my book launch of Lavish Mercy. a historical romance novel.  
 
Date: Sunday, November 26, 2023 – program starts at 1:00 pm
Location: Maplecrest Church, Prendergast Building, 906 Cottonwood Rd., Winnipeg, 

If you really want the full experience you will want to join us for worship at 10:00 am, stay for a quick lunch and then admire the art until doors open at 1:00. We will start with three musicians introducing their original songs - then the launch - ending with a panel discussion. We will also entertain your questions. We will have a brilliant discussion about how to "overcome anxiety."

My anxiety has now turned into a healthy anticipation. 


“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength — carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”— Corrie ten Boom

https://maplecrestvineyard.com/event-overcoming-anxiety/
 
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#6 Love

11/9/2023

2 Comments

 

Safety net of Love

Heard snatches of an interesting conversation on a show yesterday, the author/psychologist said that to live is terrifying, so terrifying that we as human beings seek safety in love.
 
"Unfortunately, we don’t discriminate - we fall in love with food, alcohol, drugs - all kinds of addictive behavior to avoid this dreadful feeling of constant fear."
 
Then the host interviewed different guests on her show suffering from these addictions: such as, food, alcohol, sex, drugs, work. They talked about their insane love affair with their chosen addiction - and how choosing the wrong love can destroy everything.
  
If love is the answer to fear, then the challenge is to find the right object – person – goal - spirit to love.
 
Since I am now in the business of love as a romance writer, I need to understand it, dissect it and then manufacture it.
 
This conversation of misdirected love resonated with me. Even in romance novels it’s not easy to have the characters fall in love with the right person. In my first attempts of writing a romance  – the Beta readers all fell in love with the wrong man! I could not believe it!  This is not acceptable!  In a romance novel the ending cannot be one of disappointment.
 
It took me years to resolve it – and I hope I have. You will need to read, “Lavish Mercy” to see if I have.

But the challenge continues. I
n the first drafts of my next book – I was unable to have the two main characters fall in love. They were kissing – but not falling in love. Not feeling it. Figure that out. Something was missing. It took a lot of work to make their love feel real.
 
I’ve learned the hard way that all the ingredients of love need to be present before the magic of love can happen.
 
It’s so fun – I’m now already drafting my third plot – well I'm imagining it. But already I’m running into a problem. The two main characters are not attracted to each other and I’m wondering if they even have the capacity to love and if not – how do I fix that?
 
Apparently even in real life, the question is; what do we love – who do we love – can we love?
 
I miss your voice because it is a symphony; your scent because it is a treasure; your smile because it is a jewel; your hug because it is a masterpiece; and your kiss because it is a miracle.  ― Matshona Dhliwayo
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#5 Love

11/7/2023

1 Comment

 

Overwhelming Anxiety

I know we’re suppose to be exploring ‘overcoming anxiety” at this year's Celebration – but right now I’m filled with ‘overwhelming anxiety.’
 
It’s that feeling of tenseness, nervousness – inability to relax. “Anxiety is having
a sense of dread, or fearing the worst. feeling like the world is speeding up or slowing down.”

Fear, anxiety, doubt are really such unnecessary emotions. And yet they are hard to ignore.


Last night I dreamt I found a map of a place I had been looking for so I enlarged it, and made it into a wall hanging. I was so delighted! Then I found out it was a map of the wrong place. I woke up and my heart was pounding!

Clearly my dreams are revealing that I am anxious!

 
Anxiety comes when we are faced with an unknown.

I’m always doing something new. I love newness - because in the face of something new – we need to be creative. But the act of creativity can be anxiety provoking - in and of itself.

Creativity requires us to face an empty screen or blank canvas, literally or figuratively. Because creativity means doing something that has not been done before, there are no roadmaps. And we never know how will others react to our ideas or creations.
 
​
The main reason for the connection between anxiety and creativity is imagination.
 
The problem is that the same brain that conjures up inventive paintings, poetry, novels and music can also get trapped in repetitive thoughts and dreadful worries.

Another problem is that creativity can also help us fight overwhelming anxiety.
 
Apparently creative ventures help to fight anxiety because they activate the parts of your brain that process emotions. Music and art, for example, help to calm brain activity and allow the individual to feel a sense of emotional harmony.

​It is a dilemma we need to explore. 
  
“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.” ― Kurt Vonnegut


https://www.facebook.com/events/362944562730637/?acontext=%7B%22event_action_history%22%3A[]%7D

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