Thankful
I never thought I would be finding a new life at this age. I thought we would be walking into the sunset by now - planning exotic vacations, dozing in our rocking chair or pushing up daisies. However, here we are, scrambling to meet the next deadline in our new life.
I have to admit. It took us a bit to recover from the verdict. For a while, It felt as if we were free falling into emptiness. There was the "nothingness of an unsatisfactory ending" then there was also the "nothingness of no forced agenda."
Perhaps it was even more complicated than that. It was almost as if we had stepped into an empty nest syndrome.
Empty nest syndrome? Yes, - no one was demanding our attention anymore. We were no longer parenting - it seemed. Then we realized that even though Candace had died - murdered 33 years ago - her invisible presence had remained a constant in our lives. She had never left our home.
During the investigation - that lasted 22 years and the trial process of another 11 years - she had needed our support. She required our presence in the courtroom, our love, our words. But after the writing of the final book, our responsibility was over. It was as if she was no longer dependent on us. She had moved out.
She is still our child. We will always love her, but she now comes to us when she needs us.
For a while, it felt empty. However, that emptiness filled up quickly with all kinds of leftover passions that I had put on a shelf when the children were born.
Imagine, I can indulge in something new at this age.
Amazing.
Of course, I have second thoughts. Is this possible? Is this right? Will this last?
In any case - it is fun.
However, I know I wouldn't be here - except for all of the support that I received during those dark - never- ending years. I lived on all of those kind thoughts and words that were given to me back then.
Now - I am still trying to return all that kindness that was given so generously.
So I will share the joy - just as I shared the sadness.
My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou
I have to admit. It took us a bit to recover from the verdict. For a while, It felt as if we were free falling into emptiness. There was the "nothingness of an unsatisfactory ending" then there was also the "nothingness of no forced agenda."
Perhaps it was even more complicated than that. It was almost as if we had stepped into an empty nest syndrome.
Empty nest syndrome? Yes, - no one was demanding our attention anymore. We were no longer parenting - it seemed. Then we realized that even though Candace had died - murdered 33 years ago - her invisible presence had remained a constant in our lives. She had never left our home.
During the investigation - that lasted 22 years and the trial process of another 11 years - she had needed our support. She required our presence in the courtroom, our love, our words. But after the writing of the final book, our responsibility was over. It was as if she was no longer dependent on us. She had moved out.
She is still our child. We will always love her, but she now comes to us when she needs us.
For a while, it felt empty. However, that emptiness filled up quickly with all kinds of leftover passions that I had put on a shelf when the children were born.
Imagine, I can indulge in something new at this age.
Amazing.
Of course, I have second thoughts. Is this possible? Is this right? Will this last?
In any case - it is fun.
However, I know I wouldn't be here - except for all of the support that I received during those dark - never- ending years. I lived on all of those kind thoughts and words that were given to me back then.
Now - I am still trying to return all that kindness that was given so generously.
So I will share the joy - just as I shared the sadness.
My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou
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