I have conflicting emotions about publishing this book, I am calling Project Angel.
I am tempted to just put it away and save it for our family - especially our grandchildren for when they ask those questions that will take a book to explain.
But then I remember the support that we have received over the years. I have met so many people, complete strangers, who loved Candace and identified with our story. I am reminded constantly that this is not our story alone.
I examine my feelings of joy and closure at the acquittal and realize that I am living a miracle. But it hasn't come without sacrifice, a great deal of time and public expense - with little to show for it in terms of public satisfaction and justice.
The process of of the trial felt like I was given a ten-year million dollar therapy session - perhaps by now it is even expensive than that. So I feel an obligation. I think I need to offer everyone in this province and in this country to come along my journey that they helped fund so that - for some - they too can come to some satisfying ending to the story that haunted so many of us for 33 years.
Yet I do feel vulnerable... again. In my honesty, I am unveiling some truth and insights that could be controversial....
At this threshold, I am very aware that I am not a lawyer - not even a reliable journalist/writer. I have a bias that I do need to declare as the mother of the murdered child.
But yet inside of me there is this feeling of overwhelming gratitude to everyone who became part of this story and my personal journey to find the truth. The book is really just a big thank you card - to everyone who prayed for us, loved us and felt for Candace and our family.
So I am going to publish it - with great trepidation - offering it as a conversational piece to anyone interested.
It is simply a book documenting my experience. I have tried to be as truthful to my experience as I possibly could. It's not a crowd pleaser. I know that. It is more of a documentary - filled with the little details of a very nuanced difficult case spanning many years.
There is another reason I am launching it. .... I want to honor my friend, and my editor who helped make this book a reality. All the mistakes are mine. The fact that it is completed - that it is readable - is because of her.
So even though the book is about a murder trial, it also celebrates the love of friends in so many ways.
Sue will be there at the launch we are planning, June 25, 7:00 pm McNally Robinson.
“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
Huge thank you to all of you who took the time to read the first draft of Project Angel. The response was unbelievable. Thank you for your encouragement - your suggestions. You have given me the courage to take this next step.