Wilma Derksen
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Hardest Question

4/9/2022

7 Comments

 
        I promised to write a blog every weekend to describe my journey as "Caregiver."
        The fact that I haven't done this - I missed last weekend - is probably some kind of hint. 
        One would think that since I have taken leave of all my work and other interests that I would have more time now, but it isn't working that way. This is a full time job -- and it is getting more intense.
       There is a level of grief - and I can burst into tears at a moment's notice. If anyone peers into my eyes and with great sympathy asks "How are you really doing?" I will burst into tears. Every once in a while when someone describes a plan of theirs - a trip - a moment out -- we remember that we aren't going to be doing anything like that anymore. Instant grief. But that is momentary. 
          Most of our days, are delightful.
           We have no pressure. There are no longer any expectations. 
           We have freedom to be lazy - watch T.V. , linger over lunch and have long intimate conversations. It is so fun to be together and just watch the Jets -- watch the series that we delight in - and listen to long dry sermons by Les Feldick. We have the time now -- and that is luxury.
            I see the cards pile up -- and tell myself there will be time to answer them.. Now we just read them and enjoy them.
         The jokes that are coming in regularly bring a smile - a chuckle. They are so precious.
          Some friends send a Bible verse every day, a song - and we just enjoy.
          Honest  - we are thriving on good words and gestures of love.
         I have to admit- I didn't expect our lifestyle to change so quickly - so drastically.
         We might not have a much quality time as I thought at first... I'm ordering a medical bed next week.
           I also didn't expect that these days would be so relaxing.
          Today was the best day ever.....
   
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, a
nd only you can determine how it will be spent.
Carl Sandburg



7 Comments
Mark Grindey
4/9/2022 10:19:10 pm

I think of you often, Wilma, and ask God to provide you with the strength that you need during difficult times. ❤️

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Mark Pirozek
4/9/2022 10:40:07 pm

You and your husband were a real huge support to my mother and father in their time of grief when my sister was killed in 1985. My heart aches for the grief that you were dealing with and have dealt with in your life. But through God‘s grace and strength he will give you the strength to continue. Love and prayers to you.

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Kenny Warkentin
4/9/2022 10:50:31 pm

I think of you and Cliff everyday, and I send in the prayers. Sometimes they are just groans, or 'Oh Lord have mercy' and sometimes they are full of fondness, gratitude prayers. I know the Lord is right there, instrumental in his care for every part of this journey that you are both on. I know his love doesn't give up, or get tired and it is wide, deep, high and long...each and every moment. You are loved.

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Linda Mulvey
4/10/2022 11:34:29 am

Thinking about you both often and I know you are both in Gods hand. I pray that this time will be filled with love for you both. Being a caretaker is a difficult task and overwhelming I pray for you strength and love each day.

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Veronique
4/10/2022 04:38:38 pm

I think of you both and pray for strength and peace during this time. You are both so courageous and such an inspiration. Wilma, thank you for sharing this sacred time with us. 💕💕💕

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Lorraine Peladeau
4/10/2022 07:38:22 pm

Praying and asking God to pour out His deep love upon you and Cliff (and your family), in a tangible way that encourages, lifts and calms you...that He would quiet you with His love...

Reply
Susan Todd
4/11/2022 09:05:59 am

Wilma, just want you to know that I also think of you and Cliff daily with thanks and with deep compassion for what you are doing through. Even this journey is an inspiration as you share your thoughts. I was afraid to feel my terror and fell apart after when I thought I would be so strong. You are able to express it and that is good and healing. You are such an inspiration to us all!!!

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