Waiting - the creative tension
Many are praying that this "waiting for justice" will soon be over for us. Thank you. There is a lot of stress in waiting which can be traumatizing as well a debilitating.
But sometimes I have to admit that I am scared of the ending. Justice is always a good thing – but I wonder what it will be like not to be "waiting?"
What about the excitement of waiting? What about the pleasures of anticipation?
Pooh says it best. “Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.”
We’ve lived with this "waiting" for almost 33 years, what if we have come dependent on it? What if waiting has become a drug that we are used to? What if we will go into withdrawal when the waiting is over?
That is my new fear.
NIcholas Sparks says, ‘Never forget that anticipation is an important part of life. Work's important, family's important, but without excitement, you have nothing”
I have also always believed Arthur Schopenhauer when he says. "One's delight in looking forward to and hoping for some particular satisfaction is a part of the pleasure flowing out of it, enjoyed in advance. But this is afterward deducted, for the more we look forward to anything the less we enjoy it when it comes. “
You have to remember I am a compulsive book writer. I have 11 titled books that I have written in one form or another. Some have never seen the light of day; some have had a shelf life of two months – some a shelf life of thirty years.
Just to write a book takes two years for sure – from conception to writing to editing to publishing. I know how to live in anticipation.
I am also a devoted mother and having a baby takes nine months from conception to birth then add another 13 years for them to emerge as personalities – the stage I love the most. When I was a Sunday School teacher – I always got the teens because I connected with them the best. Even with my own – I always loved and delighted in them as toddlers, but fell in love with them when they became teens.
I am used to anticipation. I can thrive on the whisper of a dream for years.
With the exception of my children, I would say that each book I’ve written has held more disappointment than pleasure once it was released.
It’s truly much more fun writing a book than releasing it. It seems no matter how well it does, the actual launching is always anti-climactic. Even this last launch, which was next to perfect, doesn’t give me as much pleasure as the secret novel I am writing at the moment.
This novel is my secret world at the moment – and such a delicious one at that. It excites me, nourishes me and grows me.
There is another “historical romance” that is just sitting there – the research all done - but the living incomplete.
And then there is the one for the AVA series – all outlined – that feels like a whisper in my spirit.
And then – another which might be only an article – or a few blogs – Cliff’s story of forgiveness organized into the fifteen. People keep asking me for his story -- wanting me to write about it. This one is the scariest. So far I only have gotten the permission from the owner of the story … and a bare outline as well. But it is always fun to explore a man’s psyche. They are much more complicated and mysterious than women - (and I am saying this with a broad smile.)
All of this just to say – that I cherish the prayers – I anticipate the ending - but I also fear it.
And I don’t think it much matters what ending it will be.
There is always a good-bye in an ending.
“There are thousands of causes for stress, and one antidote to stress is self-expression. That’s what happens to me every day. My thoughts get off my chest, down my sleeves and onto my pad.” Garson Kanin