It's a Mess
My life is a mess. I have to admit it.
Perhaps I could blame the ongoing trial process - we are still waiting for the closing arguments - but I'm not sure.
It could be because our own lives are just too messy.
This entire last week feels like a blur.
About a week ago, Cliff and I went to a small group in the Bird's Hill park area and spoke on "letting go." They asked us such amazing questions - it left us breathless. A couple of days later I went down to Winkler to present on the same topic to Pembina Counseling Centre dessert night. So tired of my story - I explored Cliff's story and used his amazing art in my PowerPoint - with his permission of course. Ever since my book on "letting go" has come out - everyone asks about Cliff so this time I squished his story into my fifteen point outline just like I do mine. It was so much more interesting - and I loved the discussion it started. Then our neighbor's daughter was married at the The Roblin Centre - the ringbearing dog definitely stole the show. The next evening, we attended the House of Hesed's dinner theatre, Virgil's Anniversary - we laughed and laughed - amazing performances by some of our dear friends. And then because we have season tickets, we had to go see Sarah Ballenden at the Manitoba Theatre Centre - always classy.
There is a sense of pleasure when life floats past so fast it all feels like a messy blur.
And all of it would have been simply wonderful if it weren't for that deadly stress of a looming deadline - our art show this Friday. Perhaps it is the stress of it that is creating this feeling of messiness.
Each year, Cliff and I wonder why we do this to ourselves - well at least I do.
But each year someone needs the show. This year - it's Cliff's show. He has reached a new level. His art sculptures are vibrating with life. I am like a child - I just want everyone to see them and experience the moving story behind them. Having just squished his life into a fifteen point outline that resembles mine, I could speak to it all.
The second artist in our trio is Odia who is showing some of her timeless pieces but not as many as she would like either because she is still focused on her little two-year miracle. We will have to have a picture of Georgia - somewhere.
Whereas my white paintings? Oh my word! They are a mess! I am a mess. Art is supposed to be an expression of the inner soul - so there is my soul hanging on the wall.
But I have to admit that every two hours I go and look at them, and my soul feeds on them so I know that they are an accurate expression of my inner being at this moment in time.
I do like them a lot better than I did last year when I tried to be a thematic artist and used a bit of gray! Horrors! This time it is just white... and a bit of craziness.
The only problem? I don't want anyone else to see them. But I don't have a choice, I don't have anything else and I committed to this art show a year ago. I should have spent more time thinking about it and planning for it....
On the other hand - one good thing about it - it has integrity - I do feel like a mess.
And there is something very therapeutic about hanging my mess on the wall - my white, crazy, but yet meaningful expressive mess.
You are invited... I think....
Life is supposed to be messy, and we're supposed to get dirty. We're supposed to fall down and feel lost. We're supposed to be disoriented, confused, sad and lonely. We're supposed to experience everything. Lauren Martin
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