Safety net of Love
Heard snatches of an interesting conversation on a show yesterday, the author/psychologist said that to live is terrifying, so terrifying that we as human beings seek safety in love.
"Unfortunately, we don’t discriminate - we fall in love with food, alcohol, drugs - all kinds of addictive behavior to avoid this dreadful feeling of constant fear."
Then the host interviewed different guests on her show suffering from these addictions: such as, food, alcohol, sex, drugs, work. They talked about their insane love affair with their chosen addiction - and how choosing the wrong love can destroy everything.
If love is the answer to fear, then the challenge is to find the right object – person – goal - spirit to love.
Since I am now in the business of love as a romance writer, I need to understand it, dissect it and then manufacture it.
This conversation of misdirected love resonated with me. Even in romance novels it’s not easy to have the characters fall in love with the right person. In my first attempts of writing a romance – the Beta readers all fell in love with the wrong man! I could not believe it! This is not acceptable! In a romance novel the ending cannot be one of disappointment.
It took me years to resolve it – and I hope I have. You will need to read, “Lavish Mercy” to see if I have.
But the challenge continues. In the first drafts of my next book – I was unable to have the two main characters fall in love. They were kissing – but not falling in love. Not feeling it. Figure that out. Something was missing. It took a lot of work to make their love feel real.
I’ve learned the hard way that all the ingredients of love need to be present before the magic of love can happen.
It’s so fun – I’m now already drafting my third plot – well I'm imagining it. But already I’m running into a problem. The two main characters are not attracted to each other and I’m wondering if they even have the capacity to love and if not – how do I fix that?
Apparently even in real life, the question is; what do we love – who do we love – can we love?
I miss your voice because it is a symphony; your scent because it is a treasure; your smile because it is a jewel; your hug because it is a masterpiece; and your kiss because it is a miracle. ― Matshona Dhliwayo
"Unfortunately, we don’t discriminate - we fall in love with food, alcohol, drugs - all kinds of addictive behavior to avoid this dreadful feeling of constant fear."
Then the host interviewed different guests on her show suffering from these addictions: such as, food, alcohol, sex, drugs, work. They talked about their insane love affair with their chosen addiction - and how choosing the wrong love can destroy everything.
If love is the answer to fear, then the challenge is to find the right object – person – goal - spirit to love.
Since I am now in the business of love as a romance writer, I need to understand it, dissect it and then manufacture it.
This conversation of misdirected love resonated with me. Even in romance novels it’s not easy to have the characters fall in love with the right person. In my first attempts of writing a romance – the Beta readers all fell in love with the wrong man! I could not believe it! This is not acceptable! In a romance novel the ending cannot be one of disappointment.
It took me years to resolve it – and I hope I have. You will need to read, “Lavish Mercy” to see if I have.
But the challenge continues. In the first drafts of my next book – I was unable to have the two main characters fall in love. They were kissing – but not falling in love. Not feeling it. Figure that out. Something was missing. It took a lot of work to make their love feel real.
I’ve learned the hard way that all the ingredients of love need to be present before the magic of love can happen.
It’s so fun – I’m now already drafting my third plot – well I'm imagining it. But already I’m running into a problem. The two main characters are not attracted to each other and I’m wondering if they even have the capacity to love and if not – how do I fix that?
Apparently even in real life, the question is; what do we love – who do we love – can we love?
I miss your voice because it is a symphony; your scent because it is a treasure; your smile because it is a jewel; your hug because it is a masterpiece; and your kiss because it is a miracle. ― Matshona Dhliwayo
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