I could be in the doldrums. This last year will always be known as the year I lost Cliff. Latter February, he was diagnosed with stage four gall bladder cancer and died within three months - just long enough for him to draft the story his life through a blog series that caught the attention of a lot of readers. I am totally biased but I thought it was a spectacular read which we published in November as Chasing the Light now found on Amazon.
After his passing, instead of slowing down my life picked up speed and I found myself attending a conference in Calgary, a family retreat at Rock Lake and even going on a Caribbean cruise in October. My heart broke open in grief going up the Banff gondola because I missed him so much. I was on top of the mountains - almost touching the sky - and he wasn’t there. I spent his birthday floating through the underground tunnels of Belize and he wasn’t there either.
Or was he? He might have not been there physically but I did feel his smiling presence. “Continue to live,” I felt him saying. If anything, his life taught me –“to live with intentionality.”
So I’m trying.
After the book launch, I was thrown the biggest challenge of all – the opportunity to move into an apartment. I loved the idea of shedding the responsibilities of a house, but moving meant downsizing a house loaded with 22 years of accumulation. By the time we were into the Christmas season, I was in the middle of the chaos.
I was in a total mess.
My mind was scrambled trying to make all kinds of difficult decisions, my heart was drowning in a flood of memories, my body was exhausted carrying boxes and garbage bags up from the basement and my spirit was flickering with misgivings. Am I doing the right thing? My life-long processing companion wasn’t there anymore to reassure you me, to encourage me and to help make the challenges of life an adventure rather than a burden.
Anyway –with the help of my angel family and friends, I am now beginning the new year in an apartment with a view!
I think I want to blog about this view. It is a new place for me – on many, many, many levels.
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” Abraham Lincoln