Cliff was more of a 'hub" person - a term used to describe someone that is more balanced. He had a great sense of body as a natural athlete, loved people as a performer, great imagination as an artist and studied voraciously to feed a hungry mind - memorizing books of the Bible.
Just recently, I learned again that our bodies will not be denied.
We was staying at the Four Points Sheraton Hotel in Minneapolis; pit stop on our way home from New Orleans. when my body finally got through to me and talked to me.
After Cliff's death my wonderful family had planned a cruise to help us grieve our loss.
I had spent an entire week resting my eyes on the vast expanse of the Caribbean Ocean watching its changing moods: sometimes rippling, sometimes cresting – always moving and the sensations, memories weren’t leaving me.
The language of the body is the water.
Even our entertaining excursions to the cruise ship ports along the way were all about water. In Belize, we floated on a tube through the river caves - the water beneath us thick and warm. In Mexico we entered into a waist deep pond in order to play with two gentle dolphins. Jumping, clapping and dancing with them in the water – enjoying the freedom of movement that can only be found in water.
I am emotionally moved by water, something I think I inherited from my father. He never said anything, but as a child, I watched the affect water had on him and his compulsion to find his peace at the water’s edge.
On a hot summer day, we would pack up and drive to Cultus Lake, where he would just sit in lawn chair and watch the lake. Often, we would drive to Harrison Hot Springs where he could soak in the hot tubs. We would even drive over the mountains for the same experience in the Banff hotel. I’ll never forget the expression of joy and contentment as he sank his weary body into the warm water.
Literature, poetry, spirituality, and experience have all taught us that water does have an affect on us. Why? Perhaps it’s because, we are 60% water.
It all came together for me in that hotel shower as I felt the phantom movement of floating on the ocean. My body was choosing to over ride my mind - choosing to stay in the sensation of the steady sway of a cruise ship on the endless sea.
As I was feeling one with the water - my body talked.
And the penny dropped.... I realized for the first time that a long time ago when the traumatized stranger came to our door and we encountered a shapeshifting presence on our bed after his visit - our choice to forgive did not originate in our minds. It wasn't a choice of the mind, it was a body choice.
What does forgiveness look like when it is a body choice? I've been reeling - floating - feeling - ever since.
In fact, now I wonder does forgiveness first have to start in the body? If so - what does that do to our concept of forgiveness?
A long time ago - Cliff and I saw an image of trauma - did not understand it - and just responded with the two powerful words. "I forgive." which made all the difference. Our bodies apparently understand.
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn